Wanna know a secret?

Wanna know a secret...? Daddy kills people...

Today was an interesting day. The Arnold Classic is being held this weekend, here, in Columbus, Ohio. We visited a few of the tournaments and saw people fencing, kick-boxing, weight-lifting, and the list goes on. I just thought that was neat. Honestly, there's no way I can explain how this entire weekend has gone so far. Maybe I'll tell you about it the next time we see each other. I'll say this though: If there was ever a time to believe in fate, this would be it. For me, anyway.

I've often wondered if I've forgotten what it is to feel alive. That sounds corny. Let me clarify. Whenever I'm sitting alone, observing something interesting, something alive or moving, and I really begin to focus, I begin to realize. For instance, today I was petting my aunt's dog. Four years ago I was watching trees moving in the wind. See, I get this feeling. I realize how distant all my senses seem to me. Everything I experience seems to be on the other side of a pane of glass. Like I'm just watching a movie with no control over the outcome. I feel close to what's happening. Sometimes closer than others, I guess, but never quite there. I feel like... Like everything happening now is something that happened thirty years ago in my life, and I'm about to wake up from a coma, thirty years from now, and realize that distance I feel now is thirty years of sleep. I guess in short, I feel like this is all a dream. A dream I had a long time ago. I feel ready to wake up any moment now.

I'm tired. I'm not going to edit this. Good night.